i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
