I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Congratulations! We have a period
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