She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
