So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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