Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize