I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
