my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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