3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize