Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
