just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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