So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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