I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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