I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
