happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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