I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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