i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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