I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
