Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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