We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
