Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
