But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize