I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize