He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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