we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
our cab driver is having phone sex.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
