Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
