Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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