did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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