I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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