I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
