you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
