Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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