Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
