Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
