I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize