I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
