i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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