if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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