how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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