My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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