Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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