This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
