I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
