I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
