I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
