I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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