y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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