My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
