Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize