Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
