I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
