He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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