May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
