All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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