Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
