god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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