lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
