I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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