I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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