She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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