no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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