plz talk dirty to me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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