Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You need Xanax blowdarts
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize