He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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