i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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