he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it glows. i had to have it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
