last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
