Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
pop tarts are not kleenex
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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