i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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