I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
