you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
