So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
