just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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