So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
