I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
